It’s that time again – the Olympics are dominating everyone’s TVs for the next couple weeks. We know all of you are glued to your couches, rooting as hard as you possibly can for Team USA, but we’re going to need for you to really step up for your country and participate in the most patriotic of all American activities: drinking.
- Every time you see the Olympic rings, take a drink.
- Whenever an ice skater completely wipes out, take a shot.
- Each time you see an NBC commercial, chug a beer.
- When Russian politics are mentioned, take a shot (or three).
- Every time someone really eats it, take a drink.
- Every time a skier takes a ridiculous jump and you think they’re about to die, take a drink.
- When team USA gets a medal, chug a beer.
- Each time a figure skating announcer says “phenomenal”, take a shot.
- Whenever you wish they would just shut the hell up and show the damn competition, chug a beer.
- When a Coca-Cola commercial comes on, take a shot.
- Every time you see someone cry, take a shot.
- When you see an ice skater takes the stage in a glittery outfit, take a drink.
- Each time a snowboarder says something super typical, take a drink.
- Every time team USA fucking NAILS IT, chug some champagne.
There, you should be nice and drunk now. Go ‘Merica – and go team booze!