Tag Archives: vodka

The Five Stages of Single Awareness Day

14 Feb

As much as we try to deny that Valentine’s Day is even a real thing anymore, any single person will tell you that this most horrible of days is rough. No matter how hard you try to put on your good face and pretend like seeing all these happy bitches all around you isn’t seriously making you consider committing a felony, we know that on the inside you’re plotting their deaths and white-knuckling it until you can be home and pantsless, dominating a box of bargain chocolates.

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The stages of Single Awareness Day are fairly easy to spot within each of us, and with the right booze to pair with them, you’ll be able to make it right on through this unholy day with ease and a serious buzz. Continue reading

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Why Bitches Love Brunch

12 Nov

Brunch is the best. Period. Ask any chick in your life, and she’ll tell you she lives for this shit. Bitches love brunch, and it seems like dudes don’t really have the same passion for the magical combination of breakfast, lunch, mimosas and sunglasses, so let me break down the key elements of the brunch obsession.

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Sleep: Breakfast is an early morning thing, which is real rude. And lunch has a pretty strict noon-ish start time. Brunch starts anywhere from 10:00am to 3:00pm, providing your tired, hungover slam pieces just enough recovery time from the weekend rage to get rid of the dark circles and general fug leftover from the night before (in most cases…I’ve seen some of these monsters you dudes bring out in the daytime, and you should be ashamed of yourselves…woof).

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It’s Full-On Fall

28 Oct

The leaves have turned. Football is always on. A chill is in the air and there is pumpkin- and cinnamon-flavored EVERYTHING. That means it’s full-on fall.

Fall is a fucking awesome season for so many reasons: you can bust out your best coats, long sleeves and scarves, it’s FOOTBALL SEASON, everything smells better (including you) and you can walk to your car without sweating through your shirt. Because this season is so joyous, there are a lot of seasonal activities to partake in, which are obviously all made better with booze. Sweet, sweet booze.

To make your life a little easier, here’s a guide to fall activities and the best booze to accompany them:

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Dry Weddings: The Art of Flasking

25 Oct

Recently, I had the misfortune of attending every sane person’s worst nightmare: a dry wedding. I know what you’re thinking – WHY would you do that to yourself? What kind of monsters don’t have any booze at their wedding? How long has the unhappy couple hated fun?

Before you freak out, just know that I am a smart, resourceful woman who knows how to bring the party even in these darkest of circumstances. I brought the only thing that would make this sad, dreary, uncomfortable gathering bearable – that’s right, I brought a flask full of whiskey.

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The name of the flasking game is to remain inconspicuous while secretly raging amongst a sea of sober misery, and there are a few rules one must follow when secretly carrying jiggle juice to a dry wedding or any other fun-crushing event. Continue reading

Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka

12 Aug

A big glass of sweet tea just feels right after a long, hot day. A colossal adult beverage filled to the brim with sweet, sweet booze feels simply necessary after a stressful week. Firefly, the world’s first hand-crafted, sweet tea-flavored vodka, is a magical combination that satisfies both the need for a cool beverage and a stress-eliminating, booze-filled belly at any time.

I have to admit that I am not the world’s biggest vodka fan, which is why I love Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka on such a deep, emotional level – you can’t even taste the rubbing alcohol flavor that vodka naturally has, which is both awesome and a little dangerous (or just more awesome, depending on how you roll). Firefly is made in South Carolina, where they know how to party back woods style, and comes in a variety of different flavors. Because of the delicious flavor and the smooth taste, you can easily drink this powerful liquor on the rocks or in a variety of combinations, but my favorite way to enjoy Firefly is in an Arnold Palmer: Fill your glass with as much sweet tea vodka as your heart desires and add a splash of lemonade. Booyah.

This is the perfect drink to unwind with at the pool, in the bar or on the couch in your granny panties while watching trash TV.

I’m on my way to stardom!

15 Jul

For a while before I started this blog, I tried to make a hobby out of signing up for free stuff. It didn’t work out very well. As many times as I signed up for things, I didn’t once win anything. But wouldn’t you know it! As soon as I started Three Sheets, I found out that none other than Tito’s Handmade Vodka is looking for an official blogger for several music festivals, including SXSW and Austin City Limits!

Now, I may still be getting my feet wet with this whole alcohol blogging thing, but I work with blogs and bloggers quite a bit during my work week and I’m confident that I’m up to the task. Tito’s is hosting a contest to choose the lucky winner, and it’s pretty intense. It requires an essay, headshot and video submission.

I’m not familiar with the entire process just yet, but I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted on my submission materials and what any of my loyal readers (Is anybody out there?) can do to provide support. Because let’s get real. Who better to go drink, listen to some bangin’ music and record it for the world to read/watch than me?