Tag Archives: holiday ideas

Single Dudes: Your Guide to Scoring on Valentine’s Day

10 Feb

Whether you like it or not, Valentine’s Day is coming up soon. I know that all of you super manly single dude-bros out there are dreading this day just as much as all of us single ladies, but let’s face it: you want to slice some brisket on this most horrible of days.

It’s time to break out the chocolate and condoms, because I am here to help prevent you horny bastards from getting blue balls. Just consider me your vagina Sherpa. I’m here to help you.

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You have three main options when it comes to getting laid on Valentine’s Day:

1.)  Hit up that booty call. Whether your go-to is your ex-girlfriend who’s still in love with you, or some random skank you met a while ago at a bar, you know that your main hookup is available tonight. Nobody likes to be alone on Valentine’s Day, so go ahead – hit her up*.

*Note that this option may lead to a very awkward morning, and will definitely leave you in an uncomfortable position over the next few weeks while she tries to make this “relationship” happen.

2.)  Get you some strange. Bitches are so fragile around this time of year that they will go for pretty much anything you say to them. Go up to any girl at the bar and pay her a compliment (literally any compliment will do) and tell her how you’re so surprised that a girl like her is flying solo. You may not win her heart, but with that combo and a shot of tequila, you’ll win her Pikachu.

3.)  Make a move on that girl you’re obsessing over. This one is risky, so only do it if you actually like her and are ready for the pressure that comes with this day from Satan himself. WARNING: Do NOT ask her out for your first actual date on Valentine’s. Dinner is an absolute no-go – with all the lovey-dovey bullshit floating around, you’re almost certain to let her down. Your move should be way more casual – If she’s doing some kind of girls night, suggest that your groups meet up at a bar later in the night. Keep it low key, super low pressure and ridiculously high blood alcohol level.

Don’t worry bros – this most horrible day is really just another excuse to get drunk, so do what you do best: get too drunk to remember what day it is.

I wish you the best of luck in your quest.

Vermont Ice Ice Baby

6 Nov

I was recently introduced to the nectar of the winter booze gods – and its name is Vermont Ice.

Boyden Valley Winery sounds like a place that would make a nice Pinot Noir or something else that would make you gag from pretention overload, but turn that frown upside down friends because this is the maker of a creamy, delicious spirit you’ll be chugging all winter long. Vermont Ice Maple Crème is a maple cream liqueur that’s 15% alcohol by volume and 100% tasty. This sweet sweet booze is made from Vermont maple syrup and apple brandy – and it tastes like Bailey’s on crack. You can definitely taste the maple flavor, so be prepared to feel like you’re cheating on your breakfast, but in the most perfect way.

Vermont Ice Maple Creme Cocktail

This maple cream is awesome for cold weather, and if I had more self-control, I would have tried it in coffee, on ice or in some sort of genius cocktail instead of just chugging the whole bottle immediately after opening it. I’m looking forward to buying another bottle and maybe sharing it with someone besides my dog this time – and I’m really stoked to get holiday drunk with this stuff in about a month.

Trust me, this stuff is on point. And you will want this deliciousness to keep you nice and drunk this holiday season with your terrible wonderful family.

It’s Full-On Fall

28 Oct

The leaves have turned. Football is always on. A chill is in the air and there is pumpkin- and cinnamon-flavored EVERYTHING. That means it’s full-on fall.

Fall is a fucking awesome season for so many reasons: you can bust out your best coats, long sleeves and scarves, it’s FOOTBALL SEASON, everything smells better (including you) and you can walk to your car without sweating through your shirt. Because this season is so joyous, there are a lot of seasonal activities to partake in, which are obviously all made better with booze. Sweet, sweet booze.

To make your life a little easier, here’s a guide to fall activities and the best booze to accompany them:

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Cinco de Drinko

5 Apr

One of our favorite holidays is officially only one month away. Commonly referred to by boring people as Cinco de Mayo, the Three Sheets team joyfully celebrates this most wonderful of days as all red-blooded, tequila-loving Americans should: by eating as many nachos as we can possibly handle and drinking our body weight in straight tequila margaritas.

Since Cinco de Drinko provides drunks everywhere with a glorious day of tequila drinking and nacho eating, we were stoked when we stumbled upon the 30 Days of Cinco Countdown Calendar from On the Border. This countdown gives visitors a free coupon every day from now until Cinco de Mayo, including free sopapillas, queso and tons of other delicioso Mexican goodies.

So, in the holy name of tequila, go to www.iloveontheborder.com and get some free stuff to celebrate the countdown to Cinco de Drinko. As in NOW – go before the Three Sheets team eats and drinks On the Border out of business.

Let’s Just Go Ahead and Make This ’46’ Day

5 Feb

Unless you’re a Yankee who lost his way, chances are you’re probably just as uninterested in this year’s Super Bowl as the rest of DFW. Even the commercials copped out early, with most of them making their ways around the Web well before their traditional debuts.

For the sake of keeping this day sacred, I encourage you to get real drunk and eat lots of finger foods. That’s really what Super Bowl Sunday is all about, right? It’s that one Sunday out of the entire year when you’re expected to be hung over and bloated the next morning. The difference is that this year, you don’t have an excuse for red, puffy eyes. This is Texas, and neither the Cowboys nor the Texans made the cut, so save your tears for Valentine’s Day. Continue reading

Holiday Gift Guide – Drinking Accessories

23 Nov

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Holiday Gift Guide – You Fancy, Huh

23 Nov

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