Things That Are Better Drunk: Lil Wayne

7 Nov

I get the appeal. I really do. He’s got dreadlocks, gold teeth and tattoos covering almost every square inch of his skin. Those aren’t even power moves; those are don’t give a fuck moves. It’s no wonder he’s been in literally every song on the radio for like three years.

But unless I’m wasted, I don’t give two shits how cool he is. He doesn’t make a bit of sense.

Of all the songs he has, the best are A Milli (solely for the bass), How to Love and Lollipop (solely for the nasty). I don’t even know what the fuck A Milli is about. The only line I actually know is, “I’m a venereal disease like a menstrual bleed,” and I have a few issues with that.

But when one of his songs comes on whilst tearing up the club, things get hot. You suddenly know every word, or at least how every word phonetically sounds, and somehow your hips know every beat. It’s dark, dark magic.

He’s even better when he’s drunk. How do you think sizzurp became a legitimate thing?

I know you love it. You holler “that’s my jayum” as soon as you hear the first few bars, but here’s a little taste of what you get when you’re sober:


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